Top 10 Dating Do’s for Women…

1. Let him see the woman that you are – it brings out the best of the masculine in him.
2. Be open and warm with good eye contact – this will help him to be more vulnerable too.
   
3. Let him know if you’re feeling nervous… he may be too!  Your conversation is more likely to shift to a more real and comfortable level.
   
4. Realise that if he talks a lot about himself, he is probably wanting to impress.
5. Be positive – men are not drawn to women who are critical and complaining.
6. Help to make the date as enjoyable as it can be for you both – even if you don’t think you will want to see him again.
   
7. Have realistic expectations – you are meeting to enjoy time together – to see if you’d like to get to know each other more.
8. Leave your biz persona at the office – it is not what attracts a man!
9. Dress to show your softer, feminine self – after all this is what appeals.
10. Show appreciation of gentlemanly gestures – opening doors, walking you to your car, offering to pay for dinner – he is honouring you as a woman.

Finally, be open to a second date – it is likely to be more relaxed and enjoyable!

Let’s Get Back to Basics!

These days there is a lot of confusion when it comes to what single men and women seek in a partner. It is time the genders got back to basics and recognised what they really want and need when it comes to finding a partner. Unless they look beneath the more superficial criteria that feature at the top of their shopping lists, many a single guy or gal of today may fail to recognise the fulfilment they seek.

These days there is a real chasm in communication between the sexes when it comes to the confusing expectations held about relationships. While increasing numbers of intelligent and ambitious women in their late 20′s/early 30′s focus on their successful careers, buy their own homes and enjoy their single lifestyle; the majority still assume that one day they will meet a man who fits their criteria and that they will then have a family. However, for many a man, there are can be serious dilemmas about how he could fit the bill as a partner for such independent women.

It is not surprising that the expectations both sexes have of each other have changed, now that women often have successful careers and can create a comfortable lifestyle. It is not unusual to hear a man say that he has difficulty knowing what he has to offer the woman of today…why she would need him. Over the years it has become more common to hear a man tell about being unlucky in love or discarded because he was not as successful as a woman he cared for; be this to do with finances, occupation, education or whatever.

Money, especially the lack thereof, is often an issue in a relationship for both genders. While financial security is, of course, important when it comes to creating a future, it is disconcerting that it plays such a major role when it comes to the life choices of some singles who are well educated and earn good incomes. One young woman recently said she’d already decided that she would not have children because if she did she would not be able to have the lifestyle she desired and provide the private school education she would want for her offspring.

While material security is important, a foundation of friendship and love is essential if a partnership is to be fulfilling and to last. Bottom line, surely what matters most is that two people are together because they are committed through caring for and respecting each other and their relationship. From our experience at Yvonne Allen and Associates, we know how important it is to look beyond the superficial when seeking that special someone.

IQ vs TLC

Is IQ or TLC more likely to turn you on?

In a survey of Yvonne Allen clients, over 45% cited a loving and caring partner as high in their wish list…second only to ‘honesty’. However, on closer analysis, there would seem to be a difference between the sexes when it comes to rating TLC vs IQ.

When it came to thinking about what appealed to them in a man, intelligence was mentioned by as many women as that he be loving. Our males, on the other hand, were more likely to cite words to do with TLC than IQ when thinking of their sort of woman!

Over the years we have often heard women who come to our consultancy say that they find it difficult to meet men who appreciate the fact that they are highly intelligent. Indeed, the more educated a woman is, the harder it can be for her to find a partner.

Given that thousands of the women who have met their match the Yvonne Allen way have been very intelligent, we know that there are men who are not daunted by brains and ability. We also know that while a meeting of minds can be an essential ingredient in the mix, a relationship will be unlikely to flourish without love and affection.

When thinking of your own needs and expectations, how do intelligence and loving rate in your wish list?!

Teasing Reality from Fantasy

For many who meet the Yvonne Allen way, becoming clearer about what they are really looking for in someone special and a relationship is of great value.

Quite often couples who have met through us will say that they would never have recognized one another if their paths had crossed during the normal course of life.  They had an image in their mind of what they were seeking which had little to do with the reality!

It is one thing to fantasise about the ideal partner – and another to discover that human beings don’t come made to order. In fact many of our clients have been surprised, and delighted, to discover that their soul mate proved to be quite different to what they had dreamed they’d be.

All too often we can limit our options for happiness by focusing on things that may have little to do with what really matters. Many of our clients would have missed out on meeting Mr/Ms Right if a consultant had not queried their preferences. It is normal to have ideals about physical features such as height or age or build or colour of hair when imagining that special someone. Alas these preferences can be given far too much emphasis, preventing us from having the opportunity to meet the love of our life.

If you stop and think about the people that have been most important in your love life thus far, have they all fit a formula? Maybe, like a beautiful woman who came to the consultancy in quest of ‘Mr Right’, you realize that this is just not the case. When asked about a sought for partner’s appearance she responded “tall dark and handsome” – which was quite reasonable given her own good looks and height. However, she burst out laughing when she then said she’d prefer to leave this open, recalling that the most sexy and wonderful man she had ever had in her life had been “short, fat and balding”!

Unlike commodities such as cars, we are not manufactured to specifications. Each of us is unique and it is the total package that makes us the individual we are. Perhaps like David, a delightful client some years back, you could say “well I’m tall and dark – that’s two out of three!” – and immediately become attractive as your personality and sense of humour shine through.

When you look in the mirror, do you see what you would like someone special to rank top of the list in their valuing of you? Or are there things about who you are that matter more? Your personality, your values, your interests and lifestyle, your appreciation of others and the world around you, your ability to love, your hopes and dreams….the list of possibilities seems endless…

Yes, age and appearance do matter – but so do so many other things. When working on behalf of clients, our consultants encourage exploration beyond the physical and superficial when thinking about what we really want and need in a partner and a relationship.

At Yvonne Allen and Associates magic happens…especially for those who are open to being surprised and delighted by the real rather than limiting their joy in life because of a fantasy!

Christmas is a special time for sharing with family and friends…a time for celebrating with those we hold dear. Alas in the busyness of the everyday, it is easy to take for granted the people who help give meaning and joy to our lives.  For the single who has a career, the demands of their business or professional pursuits can leave little time to share quality time with those who matter most – or to meet that special someone!

When talking with singles seeking a partner, I am surprised how often in their ‘wish list’ re: Mr/Ms Right they fail to mention something I believe to be fundamental to a relationship…the ability for a couple to be there for each other as real friends.  In an article I wrote some years ago Friendship First and Foremost, I suggest that we can readily overlook a potential partner who is before our eyes in quest of a ‘chemistry’ that is unlikely to last!

New Year is a time for making resolutions, wish lists of changes we want to make in our life and of what we want to achieve in the year ahead.  If you would like to meet that special someone, another item I have written Teasing Realities from Fantasies may be helpful when you are reflecting on what really matters when it comes to a relationship.

May your festive season be filled with joy – and 2010 all you could wish.

- Yvonne.

Friendship First and Foremost!

We often say that “love is blind” when explaining how apparent flaws in a beloved remain unseen, especially in the early phases of a relationship. Yet a similar affliction in our vision can prevent us from recognising a soul mate who is right before our eyes. Alas we can fail to see the partner we seek in someone we know as our friend. The emphasis nowadays is placed more upon heady sexual chemistry than real friendship as the foundation for attraction and ‘love’.

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, it was common for young adults to marry a childhood buddy, the boy or girl ‘next door’, and live happily ever after. Then we lived far more sedentary and stable lifestyles, growing up in a community in which we expected to remain throughout much, if not all, of our lives. With the changing seasons, childhood friendships would blossom into love. The basis for such partnerships was not the “chemistry” of superficial attraction but rather a love founded on a rich knowledge and valuing of each other, flaws and all.

These days few of us live out our lives in one community or locale. To get ahead we are likely to make many moves as we pursue our studies and then our careers. Schoolmates and friends of childhood are left behind as we shift suburbs, cities and countries to achieve our goals. It is much more difficult to be known in the hectic pace of day to day living and the varied roles we play. In our urban sprawl, neighbours often don’t know each others names let alone whether they have things in common.

Given the breakdown of the supportive community of old, it is important for us to invest time and energy in building friendships, in getting to know – and be known – beyond the surface, to value – and be valued – warts and all. Yet so much emphasis is placed upon immediate chemistry when it comes to romance and love that many in quest of that special someone find themselves continually disappointed as yet another dream dissolves in disillusion.

It is not uncommon for clients of Yvonne Allen to give feedback after an initial meeting saying that while chemistry was lacking, they would like to develop a platonic friendship.

This is very positive from our point of view. Not only have they gained a potential friend but they can also open new networks through their relationship. It is also not unusual for such platonic friendships to develop into sexual attraction and real intimacy, a bond based on substance not illusion. Our most recent testimonial in ‘Success Stories’ is a touching example of the magic that can happen for such ‘mates’.

So, before you despair that there just isn’t anyone out there for you, look at your circle of friends through fresh eyes…and you may be surprised! As you meet single folk whose company you enjoy, focus on developing friendship, first and foremost, and you never know what may follow!